On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
