What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
