M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
