PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
