it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't deserve a penis
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
