all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
