Can i not drive my cunt home
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
