and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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