she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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