Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
