Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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