this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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