my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
