They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
