you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
