sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
