I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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