The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
