It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
