just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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