hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
