Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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