i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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