): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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