Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
