I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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