i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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