I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
