I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
