I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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