As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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