i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize