I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
