When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
