thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
smell my finger.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
