This house was built for laser tag.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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