I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
