shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize