just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize