If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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