i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
