I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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