I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize