I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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