R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
