Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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