he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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