pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
