mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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