I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
