yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
nutella sex= disaster
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
