Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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