You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
