Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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