Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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