Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
