Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
