my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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