Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
