im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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