can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
