I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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