i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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