apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
